Work day blues

We stumbled out with our hands in front of us
We were like Zombies feeling the world with our hands
The early morning light made us remember that the night before was just that

The moment our feet hit the ground
We fell but not sure why

The moment we realised what had happened
Our happy buzz became a death knell
The realisation came over us
It’s all over

The night of passion and enjoyment brought with it its own reward
The moment we opened out eyes reality shocked us
The Lagos skyline reminded us that no matter
Where we run
We still had to open our eyes and even on Sunday

Work is just around the corner

Adunola Ajuwon © 2008

Pining after 6 month's!!! NOT!!!

He though I was pining for him after 6 months!!!!! I mean really!!!

Ok so the other day I got this text (SMS) asking me to call X (for the sake of anonymity lets leave it at this).

Now I didn’t recognise the number, but since the person knew my name and the text seemed kinda intimate i thought, let’s call, let me waste my credit and find out who this person is.

The first few minutes of the conversation went like this …..

Him - Hello? Who’s this?

Me - This is me, you sent me a text saying to call you, who are you?

Him - Oh I’m X don’t you remember me?

Me – Um, No

Me - Which X, I know a lot of X’s which one are you?

Him - You mean you don’t remember me?

Me - No, who are you?

So he started quoting dates, meetings and friends.

It was the name of a friend of mine that made the whole thing click and I was like,

Oh, it you, how are you?

Then he became angry, all how could I not remember him, how could I be so blasé, he was sure I was pretending I did not know him.

Now being a very practical person and knowing that my credit was running out swiftly, I stopped him mid stream and asked what he wanted, after all, based on the text, he wanted me to call I did, and no I was not pretending not to know him, 6 months is a long time, and I’ve had other things on my mind, thank you very much.

So being a typical male he went to the ego control department and came up with the mother of all stupid thing to say and made me wonder just how stupid men think women are?

He said - I know I’ve not called you in a while and you were hurt, but that’s no reason to be like that?

Me - Oh my God!! (laugh, laugh some more, uncontrollable laughter, interspersed with so sorry, really not really laughing at the situation, just laughing at you, laugh some more)

When I finally get a hold of myself all I could say was, ‘do you really imagine that I have nothing else to do with my life than to pine after you'?

You really thought that I’ve spent the last 6 months by the phone waiting for it to ring!!!!

(Laugh some more, totally uncontrollable laughter)

He - Get upset and hang up.

Me – Continue laughing for about 30 minutes afterwards

Looking back though, do men really think women are so desperate they will hang around a phone for 6 months just so they would call?

If guys think so, I will suggest they take a chill pill cus I have better things to do.

If you don’t call and I want to talk to you, I will call, if neither calls, let’s agree that we are both adults and can live quite comfortably without each other. Sheesh

Stranger than Fiction

I don’t know about you, but over the last few weeks etc, I’ve started to really wonder if the world is run by movies and television show, let me explain.

You would have to be under a tree, rock or some other large immovable object not to know that elections are taking place in the ‘Americas’, yes I wrote it that way on purpose.

For those of you who did not watch West Wing, become a fan of President Bartlett, Leo Senator Santos, CJ etc, then, I’m really sorry you missed out on a great show, and missed the prediction of the current election; cus West Wing already predicted the current presidential election.

West Wing told us how this election is going to end, the national disaster, the way the different parties will handle it the reaction of people the marginal lead etc, except maybe without the bipartisan cooperation of the Republicans and Democrats but the whole thing has already been shown on TV, and really the tension is unwarranted, McCain should do the right thing and concede and let Obama get on with it. (I am not bipartisan, I love Obama, I’m proud to say that I am barmy for Obama, and I am a ‘Bama Babe, before you all start going bonkers about my political inclination, not that it makes a difference since I’m not American……… but that is a blog for another day)

So some of you might think I’m being overwrought by just how much it seems our lives are following the media, but I have proof (as to do most crazy people, but I know I’m right)

All I have to say is watch Wag the Dog.

Wag the Dog is a story about the president of the USA being involved in a sex scandal (Bill Clinton) and in a bid to dissuade people from thinking about it he ‘created’ a war in Albania (Bill Clinton scandal and the Bosnian War anybody).

This is a sad one to bring up, but September 11 and the list of films that showed the twin towers being blown up, Armageddon, Deep Impact etc.

The list is endless of comparisons that can be seen between the movies and the ‘real world’.

This now brings about the mother of all movies which talk about the infringement of the movies into our lives, The Matrix.

While evidence does not quite show that we are living in the Matrix (Matrix 1 obviously 2 and 3 were just crap), and I might on my saner days concede that we do not live in the Matrix, I do still wonder sometimes if we do.

Now if we did live in the Matrix, is this the way a ‘good’ machine is trying to warn us of the future of our world, is An Inconvenient Truth not so much about global warming, but the fact that our little tanks are over flowing, is Sex and the City not so much about Carrie Bradshaw and co’s obsession with marriage and sex, but more about the fact that the Matrix has been taken over by skinny, fashion deficient robots who lack emotional stability, and is the use of facebook the hardwire for them to read our minds more easily…………

Ummmmmmmmmm

Let us ponder on the pondering.

The cells of the world are filled with people who claim reading a book, watching a movie caused them to commit acts of unimaginable cruelty and evil.

If it is sometimes maybe true that the media predicts to some extent the way our world runs and tells us, should we be more aware, are we ignoring the fact that could it be that the movies are the predictors of the world future as a whole?

Charity and Me

No!! This is not a blog about girl on girl action, it about giving money…….. which for some might actually be worse.

It’s said that charity begins at home, and like most people I have always abided by the idea and believe that you should help those who cannot help themselves.

The problem, I have noticed on my part is that I am not the most charitable of people. I feel guilty when I see people on the road begging for money, looking ill, or children scratching at the car door asking for anything, but rarely does that translate to putting my hand into my pocket to bring out change and hand it over.

I’m also aware that my behaviour is not peculiar to me, many Nigerians are disinclined to give money to beggars in the street and even more see charity organisations as fraudulent enterprises.

Why is this? Why is it that in a country of 150 million people approximately, we see the act of charity as something abhorrent? After all our various churches, mosques and other religious text tells and promotes the idea of giving, and encourages us to do so whole heartedly.

The Bible talks about helping our fellow man in times of need by the giving of alms.

The Koran informs of the fact that as a rich man exists, so does a poor one, so the rich should give to the poor (I am paraphrasing so please forgive any irregularities in translation).

Other than this, basic human principle demands that we help each other in times of need, because you never know when you might need the help of others, but for many, charity begins and ends at home.

As usual, most of the thoughts that pass my mind, I discuss with a few friends, and on this occasion, the issue of charity, was the one being thrashed out.

During the discussion I realised that many of the prejudices I had heard in passing were obvious in my friends.

The first argument that always comes up is, why should I give money to someone who looks to have suffered a horrific burn, for all you know s/he got the burns from stealing and they threw a tyre over his head.

The next argument is, ‘s/he does not deserve my money’, after all I work all day and night to earn it, and they do nothing and ask for hand outs.

Another prejudice (there are a lot of them) that exists when talking about beggars and their needs is that there is an ‘influx’ of migrants who congregate in our cities. They are not from Nigeria, and as such, they must have been shipped in to beg for money so that it can be pooled for a ‘super beggar importer/ exporter’.

Whatever the person’s individual prejudice might be, be is one of the above, or all of them, or one not mentioned it helps in justifying the general lack of charity.

Now one would imagine that when looking at the role our conscience plays in regards to charity, it would tell us to give, instead it seems to do the opposite. When it comes to giving our conscience tells us that the reason the person with polio asks for money is because in their part of the country, they do not know better. Our conscience pricks us for this unjust and unfair development, but wouldn’t allow us to encourage such blatant lack of self improvement. Better they learn that not improving themselves and learning about vaccinations and general health care will leave them in this position.

Finally the sordid issue of the coin determines how much or if the average Nigerian can give. Most Nigerians do not have enough disposable income to give, this is glaringly obvious when one considers the fact that 90% of Nigerians are living on less than $1 a day. Also when it comes to money, the question of how much and if any should be given become the dilemma. The internal battle of if I give to everyone who begged for money, where would that leave me, and the not giving would ultimately make them better themselves, is never ending.

For me the issue of charity is a personal one, I would like to say that I give freely and without exception, but as I mentioned above this is not the case. My reason for not giving is two fold, the first part encompasses the above, and the second part is simply this.

For those who have all their limbs working and I would imagine a nominal amount of intelligence, it behoves me to give anything. They have the ability to go out and earn money by working, but are content it seems to ask for hand outs. I know that I could take the same position and beg for my day to day living, but my pride demands that I do better for myself and work, and I believe so should theirs.

Irrespective of our reasons for not giving, we should make the effort to find some charity in our heart. Maybe this can be done by finding a charity that uses money given to it wisely, or by doing something unexpected for someone.

An alternative to this could be doing something as simple as giving the child at the side of the road a packet of pure water to quench their thirst. Whatever is done, it should be done with a whole heart and with the knowledge that it is only by the grace of God we are not in a similar position.

Old Men, New Men, Nigerian Men

I have recently gotten into the habit of looking at Nigerian men and trying to decide if they fall into the category of Old Man or New Man.

For those of you who are wondering what I mean, I will look to give a simple explanation.

There is the belief that the Old Man, is the Neanderthal man, the man who thinks that courting is hitting a woman over the head with a stick, and dragging her into his cave.

This man of old has supposedly evolved to the New Man.

The New Man is a man who is in touch with his emotions, has no fear of getting a facial and can be afraid of a rat (the scurrying type).

The Nigerian men on the other hand seem to be a breed of their very own they embrace the mani’s and pedi culture, but also seem obsessed with the traditional idea of what a MAN is meant to be, they in fact make the perfect metrosexual.

What is a Metrosexual I hear you ask?

Well, a metrosexual is a person who is comfortable with their masculine and feminine side, and have no inhibitions about letting that out.

It would be easy and straight forward to end it here, but like most things involving men in Nigeria, things are not so simple. Nigerian men have always been very aware of their looks and take great pride in wearing the right clothes with matching accessories.

The problem comes in when you so much as suggest they moisturise their feet they rear back in disbelief, how could you suggest such a thing, only women do that.

I asked around my girlfriends to find out their thought to the idea of the Nigerian man being a metrosexual.

Now while they admitted that the Nigerian man has all the traits, they had issues of their own. To them the Nigerian man was the man who would cuddle you at home but keep you at a distance outside, he is the person who will take hours to get ready but should the woman take an extra 5 minutes to get their lipstick right he throws a tantrum.

Since their views were rather subjective, I felt it best to go in to the lair of the Nigerian Man, to find out what they thought about the idea.

When I first asked the question the answer was predictably Neanderthal, it began from what’s that? Is it like fag? Can I get some from you? I will metro your sexual? and followed the usual round of coarse words and thinly veiled innuendos.

After the predictable response, which denoted low level brain activity and nonsensical mutterings, the new man came out.

In defining themselves, Nigerian men saw themselves as incomparable to their western counterparts.

For them it is not enough to know Gucci from Prada, they must also know that the quality of the product bought will stand the test of time, and more importantly it all looks good on them.

They know the value of getting a manicure, but moisturising their feet will be a step too far, after all they wouldn’t want their feet to slip out of their shoes.

So what is the difference between the Old Man, the New Man and the Nigerian Man, well the simple answer is that the Nigerian man is all this and more, they are the strong, educated, and ambitious men that we want, but they are also the sensitive, sometimes unsure men that make us remember why we love them.

During the independence of 9jaria ask yourself this question, are Nigerian's literate?

Ok so I get it, reading book I’ve been told I bad for your eyes, after all that is why we have so many blind people in Nigeria, but let go with the theory that it doesn’t and wonder if Nigerians are Literate.

So if you ride on any bus in Lagos as I have had on occasion to do, you become aware of at least one person wherever the journey takes you reading a book.

The book can be about anything, from bodice ripper, to self help books, chick lit or business manuals, everybody seems inclined to love the written word and what it entails.

Now it does not take a genius to also realise that this love of the written word extends to the new crop of Nigerian writers who have flooded the national and international market with their work. Writers such as Chimamanda Adichi, Jude Dibia, Kaine Agary, Kemi Oyeyemi, Segun Adebayo and many more. Their words have infused a new generation of Nigerians with dreams of the future and memories of the past.

While the reading culture seems to be thriving in Nigeria, the level of literacy does not seem to match the amount of books being read.

This is what I mean, literacy as in the understanding and differentiation between a noun and a pronoun, a verb and an adverb, the present and the past and more simply the pronunciation of words. Now don’t look too far, but in Nigeria, that is kinda lacking.

Should you venture to speak to most of these bus readers, ask a question regarding the book/s they are reading, or to engage them in general conversation, you become aware of the lack of proficiency in their speech and the difficulty they seem to have with the pronunciation simple words.

The lack of cohesive reasoning, precise pronunciation, grammatical construct and basic word comprehension, is one which Kola Oladokun, Head of Administration for Reading For Development, believes is prevalent in Nigerian society. (I know I’m quoting experts, but I do that once in a while).

Now while Kola speaks primarily of children and the problems they face in clarification and general learning, it is plain to see that this extends to adults and their notion grammar.

The lack of literacy within young people between the ages of 20 – 30 is even more shocking when you consider the fact that a large proportion of these young Nigerians have left university without being able to string together a sentence without the aid of at least 3 people, one to write, one to provide the words and one to get it wrong.

Personally, I feel justified in saying the above because I have been on the other side of an interview where an English graduate (yes she graduated, she even showed me the certificate) told me that I should look at her resume which she pronounced reesum. This was not the only faux pas she made, she told me she had ‘travel a long distance to get here’, and that ‘people say I am very eloquent’ pronounced e-loquint.

Or the pronunciations that really blows me away, given to me no less by an esteemed member of the press who told me that one does not say ‘Forget’, no no no, they say ‘Forgit’ and that ‘Story’ as in telling a story is pronounced ‘Store-ry’. Now ask me, if such esteemed members of our press are making such mistakes, who is to blame?

Is it the government for not providing a basic curriculum for schools and following this with proper equipment, to better help educate our children from nursery to tertiary?

Is it the fault of the schools for looking at the bottom line and undermining our children’s education by putting 45 to a class?

Or is it the fault of the parents who no longer have time to sit down and discuss the nitty gritty of everyday life and homework with their children because they are after the almighty naira? I just don’t know.

On the other hand, the answer could lie simply in the explanation given to me by an ex colleague, who in a very blasé manner said ‘English is not our first language so we should not be so caught up in trying to speak it proper’.

Well with such a declaration, what else can I say……………………

Plenty!!!

I disagree with all the above reasoning’s.

I think it is the responsibility of the individual to educate themselves.

It is their choice as to whether they will accept bad teaching practices, it is their choice to go out and self educate when their schools forsake them, it is up to them to ask their parents for support in shaping their future, now if this is a small child then the parents need to shape up and take responsibility, but if they are 16 and above, SPEAK UP!!!!

Above all, it is up to individuals to see the book they are reading as a tool for betterment and not just an interesting pastime.

This issue is all important as we go into the 48th year of Nigeria’s independence, we should be able to take pride in our country, our Language and show the western world that this language that they have determined as the international is nothing to us, because we speak it better than they do, and we speak it in conjunction to our own national languages.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NIGERIA!!!!