The thorny issue of weight always seems to inadvertently lead to talk of cosmetic surgery, and the good, bad and ugly of said process. You would be hard pressed to find a magazine in Nigeria or the world over where there is no advert for cosmetic surgery, some new story about who has or who hasn’t had it, and why you should have it or alternatively why you should not have it. On many cable channels this trend is also seen from Extreme Makeover, The Swan, Beverly Hills Surgeon, and Desperate Housewives all have gone a long way in glamorising or vilifying cosmetic surgery. Whatever your personal opinion might be on the subject, cosmetic surgery is a growth industry. From liposuction to rhinoplasty, stomach stapling and breast enlargement, cosmetic surgery is making its rounds around the world, and Nigeria is not immune to its some might say dubious charms.
Nigerians do not need to look far to find evidence of the danger of cosmetic surgery, our very own previous first lady Stella Obasanjo, fell victim to its charms and unfortunately ended up dead. While this might be the case it would behove me not the mention that while there are negatives to cosmetic surgery, many a great things have been achieved from it. Many of the implements used in general surgery today owes its creation to the fact that cosmetic surgeons needed smaller needles, and more discrete forms of cutting to create that perfect façade.
At the same time, the use of cosmetic surgery to fix cleft pallets, and the ability of cosmetic surgery to reinvigorate and validate people’s view of themselves is a benefit many do not see. In this ever changing world where everybody is seeking clarification and confidence, people see cosmetic surgery as the perfect avenue to reshape, replump and generally change all that needs to be changed about themselves. All this so they can live happier lives which at one time due to a wonky nose they could not. Some people go for cosmetic surgery to repair the damage life has wrought on them, others just decide to go under the knife because they want a tighter body. Either way, cosmetic surgery is now a way of life which is seen and accepted in commercials, comedy and serious dramas.
On my end I am ambivalent to the growth of cosmetic surgery, like many people both men and women, there are thing I don’t like about my body, and things I do. Like most, I have considered the option of cutting, splicing and getting rid of the unwanted bits, but so far I have stalled, I am not a big one for pain. I have asked myself, debated with friends, put out unofficial polls as to the advantages and disadvantages, but there doesn’t seem to be a consensus as to what should be done.
I believe fervently that if cosmetic surgery is the one thing that would make your life complete, do it, but don’t complain and say somebody pushed you to it. On the other hand if you are violently opposed to even something as simple as the use of a face scrub, do not get cosmetic surgery. All I can say despite the above is that the same God, who created medical surgeons to treat the sick, also created cosmetic surgeons the fix the body. So when you get some time on your hands, do a little experiment, and look to see who has had something done and who hasn’t. I will give you a little clue, if someone cannot move their forehead and make an expression other than surprise, they have had either a face lift, or a face full of botox. As for me, I am still contemplating the move, you never know it might be just what I always wanted but never knew how to ask for.
Thursday, September 25, 2008
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Copyright license thingy!!
She said... He Said... by Adunola Ajuwon is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-No Derivative Works 3.0 Unported License.
Based on a work at http//adunola.blogspot.com.
Permissions beyond the scope of this license may be available at htto://creativecommons.org.
Tuesday, September 23, 2008
A Story in 2 Parts
Quite unexpectedly today, as I was reading online papers and magazines, I found 2 stories that fascinate me regarding Men and Women, and since I’m not one to pass up a good thing, tell me what you think about them. You can find the full story on http://adunola.blogspot.com
One is a guide that has been put together by Debretts (a chi chi etiquette and culture guide) described as the Guide for the Modern Gentleman…… does such a thing exist?
Debretts goes into the nitty gritty of what you should and should not do on a date, what you should and should not do to attract a woman etc. Check out below what they say and if you agree to it.
The second story is of a woman who has had the baby of her ex boyfriend, but has not let him know that he’s a father, and is worried about future repercussions, what advice would you give such a woman I wonder?
Debretts Guide for the Modern Gentleman
A new guide has been published giving an all-in-one guide to romance, from the first act of chivalry right through to the wedding day.
The Debrett's Guide for the Modern Gentleman gives you everything from what to say and how to say it, to making your move.
Never mind equal opportunities, old-fashioned chivalry is still alive and well and much appreciated by the fairer sex when making that all important first move.
Holding the door and being prepared to pay for the meal are a given. Giving up your seat isn't necessary for those looking for love - unless you are trying to attract a pregnant or elderly lady. Be warned though; be absolutely certain the woman is pregnant before shooting up out of your seat. These things can easily backfire.
Conversation should be a fine balance between talking and listening, and avoid talking about the three principal passions killers: money, illness or death.
First date rules include drinks or lunch, that way having to avoid wasting an evening if you hate each other. Try to compliment her and come the end, if all's gone well, try to kiss her. Don't try to get her into bed (unless that's what she wants).
For those dating with children, advanced warning that the little darlings are coming along is vital, and never ignore your kids or choose solely adult activities to impress your target.
Blind dates should be avoided, but if you find yourself set up, stick around for at least two drinks. An early departure is "humiliating and ungentlemanly".
If dating online, don't fall into the temptation of trying to be funny with your profile picture. Use a flattering one, but make sure it is realistic.
Remember, chat up lines are no substitute for eye contact and good humour.
Flowers make a splendid present, but there are pitfalls. Mixed bouquets can look cheap if not a decent size and well arranged, and bulk up the flowers with greenery. Never buy a cheap arrangement online or from a supermarket or garage, and avoid the "kiss of death" - a bunch of carnations or chrysanthemums.
As for underwear, ask for help and always, always buy what she likes and not your fantasy. Rubber and holes may be the stuff of your dreams, but it's also the quickest way to end a budding romance.
In the bedroom make sure your sheets are clean, underwear is removed from the floor and top-shelf magazines stashed away from view. Stick on some Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye. Relax (but not too much, you might nod off) and take your time.
So, all is going well and it's time to propose. Timing, location and confidence are all things you should prepare. Get down on one knee, she'll love it (and if a look of horror spreads over her face you can always pretend you're tying a shoelace).
And when it comes to choosing a diamond ring, remember the four Cs - carat, clarity, colour and cut.
If disaster strikes remember to keep your dignity and never grovel, lose your temper or try to change her mind.
Lifeclass: do fathers have the right to know about their children?
I think I am really making a mess of managing things for my baby boy. When I fell pregnant by an ex-boyfriend, I decided I was not going to tell the father, as I thought no good would come of it. He wouldn't have been pleased about the pregnancy, and he already has a daughter from a previous relationship.
But now I am not sure what to do. I could phone up my baby's father and come clean, but I wonder if this is necessary. Would my child have just as happy a childhood without a father in his life? He has so many people who love him already; does he even need a father?
I am not sure that my ex would want to know anything about it, so would my son one day feel crushed because he had been rejected? He is five months old, by the way. I really don't want to make that telephone call. I'm afraid that the fallout would take months to settle down. What should I do?
One is a guide that has been put together by Debretts (a chi chi etiquette and culture guide) described as the Guide for the Modern Gentleman…… does such a thing exist?
Debretts goes into the nitty gritty of what you should and should not do on a date, what you should and should not do to attract a woman etc. Check out below what they say and if you agree to it.
The second story is of a woman who has had the baby of her ex boyfriend, but has not let him know that he’s a father, and is worried about future repercussions, what advice would you give such a woman I wonder?
Debretts Guide for the Modern Gentleman
A new guide has been published giving an all-in-one guide to romance, from the first act of chivalry right through to the wedding day.
The Debrett's Guide for the Modern Gentleman gives you everything from what to say and how to say it, to making your move.
Never mind equal opportunities, old-fashioned chivalry is still alive and well and much appreciated by the fairer sex when making that all important first move.
Holding the door and being prepared to pay for the meal are a given. Giving up your seat isn't necessary for those looking for love - unless you are trying to attract a pregnant or elderly lady. Be warned though; be absolutely certain the woman is pregnant before shooting up out of your seat. These things can easily backfire.
Conversation should be a fine balance between talking and listening, and avoid talking about the three principal passions killers: money, illness or death.
First date rules include drinks or lunch, that way having to avoid wasting an evening if you hate each other. Try to compliment her and come the end, if all's gone well, try to kiss her. Don't try to get her into bed (unless that's what she wants).
For those dating with children, advanced warning that the little darlings are coming along is vital, and never ignore your kids or choose solely adult activities to impress your target.
Blind dates should be avoided, but if you find yourself set up, stick around for at least two drinks. An early departure is "humiliating and ungentlemanly".
If dating online, don't fall into the temptation of trying to be funny with your profile picture. Use a flattering one, but make sure it is realistic.
Remember, chat up lines are no substitute for eye contact and good humour.
Flowers make a splendid present, but there are pitfalls. Mixed bouquets can look cheap if not a decent size and well arranged, and bulk up the flowers with greenery. Never buy a cheap arrangement online or from a supermarket or garage, and avoid the "kiss of death" - a bunch of carnations or chrysanthemums.
As for underwear, ask for help and always, always buy what she likes and not your fantasy. Rubber and holes may be the stuff of your dreams, but it's also the quickest way to end a budding romance.
In the bedroom make sure your sheets are clean, underwear is removed from the floor and top-shelf magazines stashed away from view. Stick on some Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye. Relax (but not too much, you might nod off) and take your time.
So, all is going well and it's time to propose. Timing, location and confidence are all things you should prepare. Get down on one knee, she'll love it (and if a look of horror spreads over her face you can always pretend you're tying a shoelace).
And when it comes to choosing a diamond ring, remember the four Cs - carat, clarity, colour and cut.
If disaster strikes remember to keep your dignity and never grovel, lose your temper or try to change her mind.
Lifeclass: do fathers have the right to know about their children?
I think I am really making a mess of managing things for my baby boy. When I fell pregnant by an ex-boyfriend, I decided I was not going to tell the father, as I thought no good would come of it. He wouldn't have been pleased about the pregnancy, and he already has a daughter from a previous relationship.
But now I am not sure what to do. I could phone up my baby's father and come clean, but I wonder if this is necessary. Would my child have just as happy a childhood without a father in his life? He has so many people who love him already; does he even need a father?
I am not sure that my ex would want to know anything about it, so would my son one day feel crushed because he had been rejected? He is five months old, by the way. I really don't want to make that telephone call. I'm afraid that the fallout would take months to settle down. What should I do?
Monday, September 22, 2008
Men and Sex
Do you know that scientific fact has shown that men are losing their libidos at a younger age. Supposedly men become less interested in sex and are more likely to be the ones to plead headaches as they reach their late 20's.
The question then is if more men are losing interest in sex by their late 20's why do 40 and above men insist on hitting on girls half or a quarter of their age, is it an ego thing, or does the science just have it wrong?
The question then is if more men are losing interest in sex by their late 20's why do 40 and above men insist on hitting on girls half or a quarter of their age, is it an ego thing, or does the science just have it wrong?
Can a woman live alone in Nigeria?
An odd thing happened to me this morning at about 3 am, I burst out of sleep, sweat dripping from me with a scream half on my lips, and a sense of disturbance in the air, I knew, I felt……. (Ok so was not at 3am, it was at about 6.30 when my alarm went off, I was dripping with sweat cus PHCN took light like that’s new, and the scream was real as well cus I realised it was morning) Either way my awakening brought with it a thought that had been in my mind for a while.
Why must women in Nigeria even at a 100 still live with their parents or ‘responsible married relative’ if they themselves are unmarried?
This is not the usual thought I have when I wake up in the morning, but since I was looking for an excuse not to leave my bed, I continued in thought.
I’ve found and still find the whole thing appalling (I say as I live in the BQ of my parents house….. at least I moved out of the main house and cook my meal, do my laundry etc) but the notion that as a ‘young unmarried woman’ you must be protected by the family to preserve your ‘propriety’, has always seemed a bit prehistoric to me. After all I have lived by myself for many years before my return to Nigeria, but to my parents the idea of living by myself is tantamount to running down the street naked.
When I was returning to Nigeria, other than the 2 week decision and dash to the airport to escape cold, black and grey and my friends who had gotten sick and tired of me trying to make my mind up, I had told my parents that I was not living with them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but the idea of being in the same house with my parents, with them doing the nosy parents thing, was more than I could bear, in fact that brings on the shiver in a way snow, sleet and hale can never do. But life being life and circumstance being as it is, the decision was made for me (money no dey), and the 4 months I spent in the main house nearly ruined our relationship. They were their usual overbearing self, and I turned into an annoying, stroppy 14 year old (yes I have to admit I regressed, I don’t know how they do it, they just do), seeing that I love my parents and they love me, I thought it would be better to move to the BQ and get some form of my indepencence back.
You might wonder what this has to do with She Said…. He Said…., but I’m getting to it. Since my move out of the ‘big house’, I’ve been asking my friends (male and female) how they feel living with their parents, and their answers vary from alright to its stifling but I don’t have a choice, on the women’s side, to I would only marry a woman who comes from her parents house and women who live by themselves are loose from the men.
For women the convenience of having someone do their cleaning, cooking and the saving they make on rent is worth the small discomfort of having no privacy. For others they believe that they would have their ‘bride price’ reduced if they live by themselves, and for a third it’s the lesser of 2 evils, and nothing wards of unwanted and in some cases wanted attention like. ‘My parents are home’, ‘We have a really big gate/dog/gateman’, or the forever great, ‘I can’t go out after 10pm cus my parents would go mad’. The shame and embarrassment of it all.
For men, there seems to be a consensus that ‘men are dangerous’ and that women should be protected from them, so any woman who can ‘handle’ men must be a woman used to such dangers and not worthy of being wifey, but not missy.
What do you think?
Why must women in Nigeria even at a 100 still live with their parents or ‘responsible married relative’ if they themselves are unmarried?
This is not the usual thought I have when I wake up in the morning, but since I was looking for an excuse not to leave my bed, I continued in thought.
I’ve found and still find the whole thing appalling (I say as I live in the BQ of my parents house….. at least I moved out of the main house and cook my meal, do my laundry etc) but the notion that as a ‘young unmarried woman’ you must be protected by the family to preserve your ‘propriety’, has always seemed a bit prehistoric to me. After all I have lived by myself for many years before my return to Nigeria, but to my parents the idea of living by myself is tantamount to running down the street naked.
When I was returning to Nigeria, other than the 2 week decision and dash to the airport to escape cold, black and grey and my friends who had gotten sick and tired of me trying to make my mind up, I had told my parents that I was not living with them. Don’t get me wrong, I love my parents, but the idea of being in the same house with my parents, with them doing the nosy parents thing, was more than I could bear, in fact that brings on the shiver in a way snow, sleet and hale can never do. But life being life and circumstance being as it is, the decision was made for me (money no dey), and the 4 months I spent in the main house nearly ruined our relationship. They were their usual overbearing self, and I turned into an annoying, stroppy 14 year old (yes I have to admit I regressed, I don’t know how they do it, they just do), seeing that I love my parents and they love me, I thought it would be better to move to the BQ and get some form of my indepencence back.
You might wonder what this has to do with She Said…. He Said…., but I’m getting to it. Since my move out of the ‘big house’, I’ve been asking my friends (male and female) how they feel living with their parents, and their answers vary from alright to its stifling but I don’t have a choice, on the women’s side, to I would only marry a woman who comes from her parents house and women who live by themselves are loose from the men.
For women the convenience of having someone do their cleaning, cooking and the saving they make on rent is worth the small discomfort of having no privacy. For others they believe that they would have their ‘bride price’ reduced if they live by themselves, and for a third it’s the lesser of 2 evils, and nothing wards of unwanted and in some cases wanted attention like. ‘My parents are home’, ‘We have a really big gate/dog/gateman’, or the forever great, ‘I can’t go out after 10pm cus my parents would go mad’. The shame and embarrassment of it all.
For men, there seems to be a consensus that ‘men are dangerous’ and that women should be protected from them, so any woman who can ‘handle’ men must be a woman used to such dangers and not worthy of being wifey, but not missy.
What do you think?
The Pregnant Man
When I heard on that Oprah had a pregnant man on her show, I was ecstatic, now, now, now, men can experience the backache, headaches, swollen ankles and nine months of carrying something about 8 pounds on your bladder, and not least, actually having to give birth. Damn a woman’s life ain’t easy (I’ve never been pregnant, but I’ve heard stories). So imagine my dismay when I read the story that it wasn’t quite as kosher as I thought.
The story it seems is that a transgender man (was a woman now is a man), decided to be impregnated because his wife had a hysterectomy and could not carry a child. He it seems when he was changing sex decided not to remove his female sexual organ and reproductive tract.
Don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with being transgender, hey whatever works for you (I personally have no wish to be a guy, I mean 24 hours a day grabbing your crotch does not seem like fun to me. Besides we get better shoes), but I was so disappointed because I thought I could be saved the hell of child birth pain and stretch marks (I know I’ve not had kids, but I’ve heard from good sources that it bites the big one).
So imagine how excited, ecstatic and absolutely off the wall I was when I found out that men could be impregnated, without becoming women. Yes it seems that a fertilsed egg can be put in the stomach lining of the man, then and for an umbilical cord attach a hose/ pipe to the stomach, of course hormones need to be taken, but what is a little bit of body altering chemistry between friends/ or partners. (They tried it on chimps and they got preggers).
Now I would never force man to get pregnant, but if the option was there that they would be preggers, men might be less inclined to say ‘No baby lets let the rubber go tonight’. If they had to carry the baby, and deal with painful and rubbery nipples maybe they will not be so eager for sex 2 weeks after birthing. On the off chance that your man wants to try the getting pregnant thing, a few things to bear in mind:
He would probably make a whole deal of fuss as the ‘first man to ever carry a child’. Ignore it, women have been doing it forever and we are still around. Suck it up
He would want to have a 24 months maternity leave to recover from the traumatic process, and want you at home to take care of him. Say no, if women can survive on 6 weeks maternity so can he
Should he complain that he can’t see his feet, pat him on the back and say….. you don’t look at all like a whale to me baby, just a little oil tanker
The story it seems is that a transgender man (was a woman now is a man), decided to be impregnated because his wife had a hysterectomy and could not carry a child. He it seems when he was changing sex decided not to remove his female sexual organ and reproductive tract.
Don’t get me wrong, I see nothing wrong with being transgender, hey whatever works for you (I personally have no wish to be a guy, I mean 24 hours a day grabbing your crotch does not seem like fun to me. Besides we get better shoes), but I was so disappointed because I thought I could be saved the hell of child birth pain and stretch marks (I know I’ve not had kids, but I’ve heard from good sources that it bites the big one).
So imagine how excited, ecstatic and absolutely off the wall I was when I found out that men could be impregnated, without becoming women. Yes it seems that a fertilsed egg can be put in the stomach lining of the man, then and for an umbilical cord attach a hose/ pipe to the stomach, of course hormones need to be taken, but what is a little bit of body altering chemistry between friends/ or partners. (They tried it on chimps and they got preggers).
Now I would never force man to get pregnant, but if the option was there that they would be preggers, men might be less inclined to say ‘No baby lets let the rubber go tonight’. If they had to carry the baby, and deal with painful and rubbery nipples maybe they will not be so eager for sex 2 weeks after birthing. On the off chance that your man wants to try the getting pregnant thing, a few things to bear in mind:
He would probably make a whole deal of fuss as the ‘first man to ever carry a child’. Ignore it, women have been doing it forever and we are still around. Suck it up
He would want to have a 24 months maternity leave to recover from the traumatic process, and want you at home to take care of him. Say no, if women can survive on 6 weeks maternity so can he
Should he complain that he can’t see his feet, pat him on the back and say….. you don’t look at all like a whale to me baby, just a little oil tanker
Code Names of Boyfriends Past
mR Loverman
Crash and Burn
Heartbreak Kid
MR COOL
not a hope in hell
Sweetie Darling
quick balm
Swede
Sin
Avalanche
love no more
love lots more
Leanback
Snakeback
Snake
Crash and Burn
Heartbreak Kid
MR COOL
not a hope in hell
Sweetie Darling
quick balm
Swede
Sin
Avalanche
love no more
love lots more
Leanback
Snakeback
Snake
Seeking Lust over Love
This is such a template response for most dudes. And its simple…guys want the easy route out of relationships. That way they don’t get to commit so much. It’s a typical example of eating your cake n having it. Basically its about sitting on the fence undecided, while enjoying the benefit and safety of neither being here nor there.
People are different, we are all cut from different fabrics. We all go thru the motions of heartbreaks and disappointments. Everyone has lost a cherished relationship at one point or the other in life. I ve never believed in transferred aggressions. I ve always approached my relationships with a certain state of mind…..she is DIFFERENT and that’s the only reason why we are considering a relationship.. Just cos yr last chic left the way she did don’t mean the next one will. Its all in the mind. We need to understand that we control how we get over emotional pain to a large extent.
Sweet memories linger, and hurt like hell after break ups. Recalling all the stuff you had in common, the music, the food, the movies u saw together, the little gifts exchanged, pictures, mails, your engaged /relationship status on facebook?, common friends, etc . it all culminates into pain and loneliness when its over. But may I ask? Whut is really permanent in life?
People change. People fall out of love and explore new directions. It takes the Divine and a lot of creativity to stay growing, so keep working on both you heard?
Dudes need to get real and skip all the excuses. Chics as well. There are no guarantees so learn to give it your best when its on…
Marriage is bliss afterall
People are different, we are all cut from different fabrics. We all go thru the motions of heartbreaks and disappointments. Everyone has lost a cherished relationship at one point or the other in life. I ve never believed in transferred aggressions. I ve always approached my relationships with a certain state of mind…..she is DIFFERENT and that’s the only reason why we are considering a relationship.. Just cos yr last chic left the way she did don’t mean the next one will. Its all in the mind. We need to understand that we control how we get over emotional pain to a large extent.
Sweet memories linger, and hurt like hell after break ups. Recalling all the stuff you had in common, the music, the food, the movies u saw together, the little gifts exchanged, pictures, mails, your engaged /relationship status on facebook?, common friends, etc . it all culminates into pain and loneliness when its over. But may I ask? Whut is really permanent in life?
People change. People fall out of love and explore new directions. It takes the Divine and a lot of creativity to stay growing, so keep working on both you heard?
Dudes need to get real and skip all the excuses. Chics as well. There are no guarantees so learn to give it your best when its on…
Marriage is bliss afterall
The Broken Hearted Man
I am officially according to my mother about to be left on the shelf. To her at 26 I should not only be married but also continuing the family line. While as a rule when conversations with my mother relating to marriage comes up, I suddenly remember I have something else to do, recent changes relationship wise in my family has prompted me to if not seek marriage, at least have some poor guy on lockdown.
Unfortunately that is where my trouble begins, because I have found in Nigeria a new breed, a species that I only heard about in the western world. One I suspect is only in Nigeria as a new tactic in getting something other than a relationship,…… it’s the broken hearted man.
Yes I said it, men do get broken hearted, but while I have always known this to be the case, this is the first time, I ever heard of one who was so hurt by the breakdown of a relationship, they cannot phantom being in another one. Now, I’m a sensible type of girl, I understand that romance is key in many relationships, but don’t get over reliant on it and base your relationship on it. I know relationships break and sometime there is nothing either party can do about it, but the idea that one heartbreak destroys the prospect of getting into another relationship forever, that I am not sensible about.
As a rule, these are not issues I would mention, after all one instance is not the norm, but in this case, it seems to be. The particular man that I speak about is the third in as many men I have spoken to about relationships (No, I’m not stalking or hunting them down, yet) that it seems has been so scarred by the pangs of love they cannot see themselves ever getting married. One in fact told me that the scars love has left on him, has made him not seek love, instead seek lust. Ummm.
A likely excuse to get up to no good I say, but while one might mock, this new found sensitivity in men, I do have to ask the question have women’s power gotten to be so great that men cannot recover from our presence, or are men just finding a new way to get the milk without buying the cow? After all what is more alluring than a man who is so sensitive he can truly falls so deeply in love.
Unfortunately that is where my trouble begins, because I have found in Nigeria a new breed, a species that I only heard about in the western world. One I suspect is only in Nigeria as a new tactic in getting something other than a relationship,…… it’s the broken hearted man.
Yes I said it, men do get broken hearted, but while I have always known this to be the case, this is the first time, I ever heard of one who was so hurt by the breakdown of a relationship, they cannot phantom being in another one. Now, I’m a sensible type of girl, I understand that romance is key in many relationships, but don’t get over reliant on it and base your relationship on it. I know relationships break and sometime there is nothing either party can do about it, but the idea that one heartbreak destroys the prospect of getting into another relationship forever, that I am not sensible about.
As a rule, these are not issues I would mention, after all one instance is not the norm, but in this case, it seems to be. The particular man that I speak about is the third in as many men I have spoken to about relationships (No, I’m not stalking or hunting them down, yet) that it seems has been so scarred by the pangs of love they cannot see themselves ever getting married. One in fact told me that the scars love has left on him, has made him not seek love, instead seek lust. Ummm.
A likely excuse to get up to no good I say, but while one might mock, this new found sensitivity in men, I do have to ask the question have women’s power gotten to be so great that men cannot recover from our presence, or are men just finding a new way to get the milk without buying the cow? After all what is more alluring than a man who is so sensitive he can truly falls so deeply in love.
Without Colour
So I have feelings for you
So what
I’m a mass of feelings
Bubbling over in all direction
A mass of screaming and retractions
Forever knowing but elusive
So I have feelings for you
Did I make you responsible for my feelings?
Did I ask you to find out if you were needed?
Was I the one billing and cooing over the phone to
Ronke, Tope, Cynthia, Amina and a few others thrown in
No I was the one who walked in hearing it
The one who walked in on you
With Sarah, Kike and Folashade
Oh the horror
I don’t think I will ever see colour again
I mean really my doctor calls it post traumatic disorder
I call it see your fat arse in motion.
So I have feelings for you
Don’t worry I’ll deal with them
Just as I dealt with you.
So what
I’m a mass of feelings
Bubbling over in all direction
A mass of screaming and retractions
Forever knowing but elusive
So I have feelings for you
Did I make you responsible for my feelings?
Did I ask you to find out if you were needed?
Was I the one billing and cooing over the phone to
Ronke, Tope, Cynthia, Amina and a few others thrown in
No I was the one who walked in hearing it
The one who walked in on you
With Sarah, Kike and Folashade
Oh the horror
I don’t think I will ever see colour again
I mean really my doctor calls it post traumatic disorder
I call it see your fat arse in motion.
So I have feelings for you
Don’t worry I’ll deal with them
Just as I dealt with you.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Rubutu
I have always been plump, as a baby, I had the soft roundness all babies tend to have, my sister likened me to a ball. Supposedly, she could sometimes barely resist the urge to roll me on the floor. My plumpness as a baby lead my parents to give me the nickname ‘rubutu’ which if my interpretation is correct means, ‘round’.
As I grew up, I went through the usual skinny, fat, skinny, fat stage, until I stopped growing and ended on the ‘fat’ phase. I have not lost the excess weight I have on my frame which some see as puppy fat, but since I stopped being a puppy some time ago we might as well call it ‘dog’ fat.
The reason I start with this story is that it’s similar to the passage of many young Nigerian girls and women. I have a problem with my weight, or rather, others have a problem with my weight and they try to make it my problem. As young women, we are either too fat or too skinny, our faces would be prettier if we lost some weight from it, or added some fat to it, but what has brought about this overriding concern for weight in the Nigerian subconscious.
At one time, the sight of some extra weight on a Nigerian woman was seen as a good thing, she was a woman who knew how to cook, and most probably came from a background of stature (in more ways than one). After all only a woman whose family can afford it can produce a well fed woman. As time has gone by and certain ideologies have changed, a well fleshed woman for the longest time was still seen as a positive, but in recent history, a change has occurred. The sight of Naomi Campbell, Liya Kebede and many others has brought about a change in what we call weight and this change has introduced scales into our bathrooms. Scales that at one time were used only as a tool to make sure you were not carrying more than your travel luggage allowance, now rule how we view ourselves and what we eat.
Some would mention the health risks that being heavier causes, and others the reluctance of men to have relationships with heavier women, but this has its loop holes. For instance, I am a young woman in her mid twenties, I am fit, have no indications of high blood pressure, joint aches, or high cholesterol, in fact I am as fit as a fiddle and healthy as a horse, (doctor terms for certification), I just carry a bit extra. In regards to the arguments on men and their likes and dislikes, I have found in personal encounters that men, who are interested in me, are interested in me, regardless of my weight, and those who are not, will never be even if I were a size 00.
The issue of size and weight is also fascinatingly a female problem, men get fat, with little or large pot bellies, 3 chins and swollen ankles, but such images and ideas are not acceptable for women. While both men and women can be critical about weight, women seem more likely to have a personal vendetta against it in other women. Men would say, I don’t have a problem with it or simply state their preference; women will continually pick on the issue, and make an event of it. The weighty subject of weight is one which Nigerians have issues with, on one hand the western ideology of skinny is good (you can never be too thin or too rich) is in contradiction to the Nigerian idea that if you are slim you are a Lepa or if you are big, you should not be caught with anything food like near your mouth.
As I grew up, I went through the usual skinny, fat, skinny, fat stage, until I stopped growing and ended on the ‘fat’ phase. I have not lost the excess weight I have on my frame which some see as puppy fat, but since I stopped being a puppy some time ago we might as well call it ‘dog’ fat.
The reason I start with this story is that it’s similar to the passage of many young Nigerian girls and women. I have a problem with my weight, or rather, others have a problem with my weight and they try to make it my problem. As young women, we are either too fat or too skinny, our faces would be prettier if we lost some weight from it, or added some fat to it, but what has brought about this overriding concern for weight in the Nigerian subconscious.
At one time, the sight of some extra weight on a Nigerian woman was seen as a good thing, she was a woman who knew how to cook, and most probably came from a background of stature (in more ways than one). After all only a woman whose family can afford it can produce a well fed woman. As time has gone by and certain ideologies have changed, a well fleshed woman for the longest time was still seen as a positive, but in recent history, a change has occurred. The sight of Naomi Campbell, Liya Kebede and many others has brought about a change in what we call weight and this change has introduced scales into our bathrooms. Scales that at one time were used only as a tool to make sure you were not carrying more than your travel luggage allowance, now rule how we view ourselves and what we eat.
Some would mention the health risks that being heavier causes, and others the reluctance of men to have relationships with heavier women, but this has its loop holes. For instance, I am a young woman in her mid twenties, I am fit, have no indications of high blood pressure, joint aches, or high cholesterol, in fact I am as fit as a fiddle and healthy as a horse, (doctor terms for certification), I just carry a bit extra. In regards to the arguments on men and their likes and dislikes, I have found in personal encounters that men, who are interested in me, are interested in me, regardless of my weight, and those who are not, will never be even if I were a size 00.
The issue of size and weight is also fascinatingly a female problem, men get fat, with little or large pot bellies, 3 chins and swollen ankles, but such images and ideas are not acceptable for women. While both men and women can be critical about weight, women seem more likely to have a personal vendetta against it in other women. Men would say, I don’t have a problem with it or simply state their preference; women will continually pick on the issue, and make an event of it. The weighty subject of weight is one which Nigerians have issues with, on one hand the western ideology of skinny is good (you can never be too thin or too rich) is in contradiction to the Nigerian idea that if you are slim you are a Lepa or if you are big, you should not be caught with anything food like near your mouth.
Monday, September 8, 2008
HO MUSINGS
Low tops, short skirts
Tripping in my high heels
Short shorts, tank tops
Boobs falling everywhere
Though the clothes were bought by ma
It is seen as scandalous
Even when I wonder how
Style and fashion are the fight
Never to marry in Nigeria
Because I love my low cut tops
And can’t live without my FM heels
So I guess I’ll move away
So I can marry someplace elsewhere,
Shame
If I move away
To find my love and life
At least I can let my arse hang out
And let my bountiful breast jiggle delightfully
But at least I would be saved
From all’s double standards
And can continue with my scandalous ways.
Adunola Ajuwon © 2008
Tripping in my high heels
Short shorts, tank tops
Boobs falling everywhere
Though the clothes were bought by ma
It is seen as scandalous
Even when I wonder how
Style and fashion are the fight
Never to marry in Nigeria
Because I love my low cut tops
And can’t live without my FM heels
So I guess I’ll move away
So I can marry someplace elsewhere,
Shame
If I move away
To find my love and life
At least I can let my arse hang out
And let my bountiful breast jiggle delightfully
But at least I would be saved
From all’s double standards
And can continue with my scandalous ways.
Adunola Ajuwon © 2008
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Cover up or bare all
Recently, a friend and I went to the Palms in Lekki, having just watched a film, we decided to wander around the centre, because we were both reluctant to go home, to bad TV and mediocre conversations. As we got off the staircase, our eyes were confronted with what I can only describe as a girl, who couldn’t be more than 17 displayed in an extremely low cut and short dress.
I’m not one to automatically see the display of flesh as a thing of shock, but girlfriend, was showing all for the world to see. Her dress was so short that should she even have thought of bending down to pick anything up, the world would have become her gynecologist. When my friend and I saw this, we stifled our giggle and walked away quickly, but as the visit continued I became aware of the general state of people’s clothing in the mall. The women both young and old where wearing, tight, short and revealing clothing, the boys and men seemed obsessed with showing off their boxers and letting everybody in on the brand they had chosen for the day.
There seems to be a renaissance in the air; young and old Nigerian generations apart seem to have discovered the value of crop tops, tight jeans, backless dresses and low slung pants during the day. It’s no longer a taboo to stride along the roads of Lagos in any of the above flashing all for the world to see. What is even more surprising is that parents rarely ask their children to change or ban them from leaving the house when they see them in what could be considered inappropriate clothing. For the older generation, being seen in something better suited for their children does not faze them, instead it confirm they are ‘down with the kids’. But where did the acceptance of such attires come from and is there any value in it, particularly as Nigerian dress culture is one of covering, from head to toe in some instances.
In the North, women are dressed in Kaftans, Jilbabs, Hijabs, and men are in Dahsikis, and long trousers. In the south south, womens traditional wear includes a blouse and a wrapper, two wrappers in fact and men in buba’s and wrappers. In the south west, women wear Iro’s and Buba’s and men Agbada’s and trousers. All of these clothes while enhancing the body still cover you up from neck to toe.
So why is it that Nigerians have now become obsessed with the idea of revealing all, why is it that even when making our own traditional wear we are going for the shorter, tighter version of what there is. There are many explanations for this, some see it as the western influence permeating the Nigerian one, and corrupting our young and old and making them believe that they are not good enough until they are half naked. Others see it as a reflection of change, after all fashion is forever changing and the fashion of the time is short and tight. For those who choose to remember, some of our parents who are now complaining at one time wore mini iro’s, and our fathers wore chest revealing buba’s, so why should the new fashion be seen as a negative?
Either way this fashion of low and high seems to be making headway, though it should be noted that the Island and mainland of Lagos, have key ideas as to the way Nigerians, particularly women should dress. On the island, wearing short short’s and low tops, is so natural, it doesn’t make an impression, but go onto the mainland in the same outfit and you get a different reception altogether.. On the mainland, wearing the same will label you as a ‘woman of easy virtue’, or alternatively ‘an ill taught child’. I had always seen myself as a ‘freedom of expression in how you dress’, kind of a person, but the ‘incident at the Palms’ as the event is now known as has shown me that in some cases I am not. I have reservations about overly exposed body part. I am not against spaghetti straps, and short short’s, but in the proper setting, not when I am walking around in a mall. This proves even more distressing for me particularly if I am confronted with gynecological shots that should be kept between you and your doctor. As the adage says, ‘cut your cloth to suit you, do not insist on trying to fit your body into a too small piece or cloth’, even if it is spandex.
I’m not one to automatically see the display of flesh as a thing of shock, but girlfriend, was showing all for the world to see. Her dress was so short that should she even have thought of bending down to pick anything up, the world would have become her gynecologist. When my friend and I saw this, we stifled our giggle and walked away quickly, but as the visit continued I became aware of the general state of people’s clothing in the mall. The women both young and old where wearing, tight, short and revealing clothing, the boys and men seemed obsessed with showing off their boxers and letting everybody in on the brand they had chosen for the day.
There seems to be a renaissance in the air; young and old Nigerian generations apart seem to have discovered the value of crop tops, tight jeans, backless dresses and low slung pants during the day. It’s no longer a taboo to stride along the roads of Lagos in any of the above flashing all for the world to see. What is even more surprising is that parents rarely ask their children to change or ban them from leaving the house when they see them in what could be considered inappropriate clothing. For the older generation, being seen in something better suited for their children does not faze them, instead it confirm they are ‘down with the kids’. But where did the acceptance of such attires come from and is there any value in it, particularly as Nigerian dress culture is one of covering, from head to toe in some instances.
In the North, women are dressed in Kaftans, Jilbabs, Hijabs, and men are in Dahsikis, and long trousers. In the south south, womens traditional wear includes a blouse and a wrapper, two wrappers in fact and men in buba’s and wrappers. In the south west, women wear Iro’s and Buba’s and men Agbada’s and trousers. All of these clothes while enhancing the body still cover you up from neck to toe.
So why is it that Nigerians have now become obsessed with the idea of revealing all, why is it that even when making our own traditional wear we are going for the shorter, tighter version of what there is. There are many explanations for this, some see it as the western influence permeating the Nigerian one, and corrupting our young and old and making them believe that they are not good enough until they are half naked. Others see it as a reflection of change, after all fashion is forever changing and the fashion of the time is short and tight. For those who choose to remember, some of our parents who are now complaining at one time wore mini iro’s, and our fathers wore chest revealing buba’s, so why should the new fashion be seen as a negative?
Either way this fashion of low and high seems to be making headway, though it should be noted that the Island and mainland of Lagos, have key ideas as to the way Nigerians, particularly women should dress. On the island, wearing short short’s and low tops, is so natural, it doesn’t make an impression, but go onto the mainland in the same outfit and you get a different reception altogether.. On the mainland, wearing the same will label you as a ‘woman of easy virtue’, or alternatively ‘an ill taught child’. I had always seen myself as a ‘freedom of expression in how you dress’, kind of a person, but the ‘incident at the Palms’ as the event is now known as has shown me that in some cases I am not. I have reservations about overly exposed body part. I am not against spaghetti straps, and short short’s, but in the proper setting, not when I am walking around in a mall. This proves even more distressing for me particularly if I am confronted with gynecological shots that should be kept between you and your doctor. As the adage says, ‘cut your cloth to suit you, do not insist on trying to fit your body into a too small piece or cloth’, even if it is spandex.
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