Adulthood

I feel like I lived my whole life in under 30 years I started working early I started loving earlier
I feel that I have been sick all my life, an unexplained, indescribable illness that germinated in my teens and surfaced in my twenties.
I feel world weary and envy those my age who still have a light in their eyes.
I see d silly smiles of some my age and the tired faces of others and spend my time wondering if I look that happy or that worn.
They told me that growing older brings its own pains and aches, but I neva thought it would feel like this.
I expected some warning, I expected something in writing something to tell me that this is adulthood.
But I'm scared to get that mail, because if this is what it feels like to be grown up, I would rather just skip this bit and aim for ......