Mama and Lagos/ Nigerian Roads

I was recently telling someone about my mother and the pathological fear of Lagos/ Nigerian roads, and they thought she was so funny. According to them, I should write a television series about it, but I don’t think the world is ready for my mother in her glorious, unadulterated, and totally irreverent sense of humor.

Nah the world could not handle her.

My mother’s fears of the roads are based on rumors, some experience and a whole lot of paranoia.

Its not that she doesn’t have a lot to fear (crazy drivers, drunk ogogoro drivers, stupid drivers, idiotic law enforcement ………… ok this list could go on forever) but she takes fear of the unknown to another level.

Now I have for some reason (don’t ask me why) had to drive my mother around a lot, and while I KNOW I am a GREAT driver, the rest of my family seem to think the opposite. In fact my sister during her recent visit had the nerve to suggest that when I was in England I drove like a Nigerian, and now the country is catching up to my driving (the cheek of her)

Anyways, on these faithful several occasions, I have a few fears myself, the main being actually driving my mother since she makes me so nervous.

Whenever my mother gets in the car she grips the car handle with a death grip that would make Zombies proud, places a look of dread on her face and spend the whole journey telling me to look at, that car over there, slow down (when I’m going 50km an hour down the expressway).

Not that I don’t love my mother, but that woman is the very reason people go crazy on the roads.

This particular day, we were going to church and we were about halfway down the Ikorodu Road. All through the journey my mother had been doing the above and driving me bonkers, but I figured its Sunday, be strong, God is on your side, even if the devil is whispering a whole load of nasty things in your ears.

Through this and our discussion (gossip) about the family, a car suddenly swerved on the opposite road, climbed the median, ziz zagged in front of my car to hit the median on the other side.

It was like a bad, Jean Claude Van Damme action movie, the action, the shock the fact that the idiot man had a mother and a newly born baby in the back sit and was speeding in a car with very worn tires, obviously a failed brake and whatever else was wrong with him.

I think what struck me the most is that my car was the head car and had I been driving just a bit too fast, had I not listened to my mother, I would not have been able to brake in time or the car would have ploughed into us.

Now I have my issues with my mother, but on this I say Thanks Ma, you were right on the money, they are all CRAZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZY drivers in 9ja so drive safely y’all!!!!