You know the ones I’m talking about, those wannabe designers who’s only claim to fame is that they covered a poor event hall with 50,000 meters of fabric of varying colour that caused Stevie Wonder to simultaneously see, trip and go blind again in 2 seconds.
These fauxs are the wonder of all fauxs everywhere because regardless of the mess they make of your event (see above on crap decoration) the bad food they managed to coordinate which sends your stomach to the toilet and the inconsistent timing (the event started at 4pm but you are only allowed into the hall at 8pm) they are still being hired!
The faux event coordinator is the bad penny of all fauxs they keep turning up!
They have no concept of colour coordination, and think that draping fabric over any standing object (you don’t move, you become a center piece) makes them creative.
The only thing they are good at coordinating is your bowels to the toilet because the crap food they source for, which incidentally has not taste, nutritional value or better yet correlation to an animal or plant living or dead has so messed up your system you have to lie down on the cold tile of the toilet praying for death or better yet the death of the faux event coordinator.
The faux event coordinator has the emaciated walk of a dead chicken and the talent of same the difference of cause is that at least the chicken can boast of once being a chicken hence additional value.
Spotting the faux event coordinator
• Look for any idiot directing people to ‘drape that fabric over that person’!
• The idiot who keeps you standing outside for 4 hours because ‘we are just finishing the hall’.
• The nincompoop who thinks that because someone had the bad luck to hire them, they are allowed to be rude to guests
• The faux coordinator has some similarity to the faux stylist, both have no fashion sense, so look for the twit in all events, with a clipboard, a stupid smile and very bad clothing sense.
• If you see all the staff at the party’s gaze shooting laser beams in one direction, there you will find the event coordinator
• The pompous git who forgot to order the flowers, the music and the electrics and has the gall to tell you the person paying them, ‘I didn’t think it was in my contract’. Ummmmmmmm babes, read it again because unless I am mistaken the money I gave you covers all the above!
Avoiding the faux event coordinator
• Well for one thing never tell a prancing twit that you are having any event, because whether you want to or not you end up with a faux event coordinator
• Don’t make the mistake of being sarcastic to the event coordinator of the latest disaster you attend, they don’t understand it, so by being sarcastic, you might as well hand over you business card and wallet because you next event is the next disaster.
• Sometimes it is not so much the faux coordinator you avoid, but the food, so if the place looks like a paint bomb went off, I would advise you, don’t eat the food, if you do, on your head or bowels be it.
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