identity crisis

I’ve always wondered about that whole question of nature versus nurture, are we shaped for who we are from when we are born, or does our environment shape us, or more importantly, does the name we are given determine the person we end up being?

I ask this question because well I was bored and started thinking, and this was the result.

As a person, I would like to believe I know who I am, in fact, when I look in the mirror; I generally see the same face I’ve had since I was 5 years old. My eyes are the same the mouth, nose, ears are all the same, in fact with my recent hair cut I look like I did when I was 12 years old (I saw the passport photograph recently, scary, of course it could also explain why a 22 year old dude is hitting on me thinking I’m 20, life can be so good sometimes……. But back to the point).

So the issue is not about knowing who I am, or if I’m happy with myself (I like to believe that I know who I am to about 75 % and I’m generally happy with my life to about 80% of the time which is pretty high when you consider that nobody is 100% happy with their life, and if they say they are, they are lying), but I’ve recently began to wonder if the name I was given was a result of what was seen in me, or have I become the name I was given me.

Let me explain what I mean, in the film Breakfast Club (you gotta watch it, the brat pack at its best), one of the characters asked another what her name was, she said she was Clare, and his response to that was that she had a ‘fat’ name. Supposedly even though she’s not fat, she has this humongous person living inside her and after her first kid, hello sista big bones, (obviously being young, skinny and vain she denied it, but you gotsa wonder).

I mean have you noticed that by and large (lol) Anne’s who just have Anne (not Annette, Aneka, Andrea or any other thing with their names) are very proper, fun, of course but they tend to be incredibly earnest. Or have you noticed how Wale’s all kinda seem wet but are only rescued by the Surname that they have? I mean really be honest with yourself, sometimes a surname can lift up a name.

For me and my names, I’ve always wondered if I was always me, or did my name shape me.

As a person, well as me, I generally use 3 names, Adunola Yewande and Wendy.

Yewande was my first name, (I say first like I’ve been reincarnated, but based on the name I was I guess). Yewande means literally ‘Mother comes back’, and the name was given to me by my parents, because it seemed I was born around the time one of my Great Grandmother’s died, so I was named Yewande. \

The problem is this, I have been told since childhood that I look like her, I sound like her, and people I don’t know have told me that I have an old soul. I’ve also been told that I tend to be maternal, always wanting to take care of people and can be nurturing (sound like a health food don’t I ).

The Wendy name, is a derivative of Yewande, and it was my parents way of not allowing my British nannies (in the good old days of being tiny and in England) to bastardise my name, they decided to call me Wendy, the problem if you could call it that is the meaning of the name.

Wendy according to those books that give you the meaning of English names, was created by the author of Peter Pan J.M. Barrie, from the name of his cousin Gwendolyn. She was according to previously said sources a ‘sweet, affectionate girl who was prone to taking care of people, and could have been described as maternal to her brothers and cousins’. Hence the character in Peter Pan is ‘a sweet loving etc, etc, etc’. The problem is I have been described as all the above (look at the description of Yewande), so what does that say?

Then came Adunola, this was a name I chose for myself when I was about 10 (I have about 9 middle names, so it was a bit of toss up as to which one I would pick, but I don’t know I like Adunola). In case you don’t know Adunola means the ‘Sweetness of Wealth’, and the name was given to me because supposedly the time of my birth was a time of wealth and sweetness for the person who named me (and to be honest, I do think I am the sweetness of anybody’s wealth, no I don’t have a big head I know this for a fact, I mean really, I am the cherry on top of any wealth you may have, I am …….. just read the note Sweetness of Wealth Vol 1 and 2)

Now looking back I have to ask the question that did the name given to me make me all of the above, or by some fluke of fate, the people who named me looked into my eyes and saw all of this in me as a ‘ikkle babby’. I don’t know, but I do wonder what this means for children who are named after celebrities, or given some odd name like Pax (really its the short hand name for tampax, and I don’t know why you would do that to someone, but hey each to their own).

I mean what happens if you name your child a Christina when she is actually a Britney (Christina’s a strong, prone to the unusual and slightly gothy, Britney’s pink, fluffy and kinda vague) , or you name you child Adeola when she should really be a Tolulope, what does that mean for your child.

What about the people who change their names, I mean while Dita Von Tease, changed her name from Heather Sweet to Dita, she is still a Heather Sweet underneath all that make up, corsetry and black hair. She’s loyal, demure, quite and a bit shy but to her she was always a grand burlesque queen so now she’s Dita on the outside but Heather on the inside.

And what of Agyness whatever supermodel who changed her name from Laura Hollins (need I say more) to the interesting name and spelling because of numerology. Will she forever be a Laura trying to disguise herself with the odd name, I don’t know, but back to the question are we shaped by the name we are given or do we become the name we are given or our, our birth names the truest reflection of who we are?