BUM 2

Every night brought with it new ways of negotiating the gear stick the hand brake the steering wheel, and we found them all. I can tell you that they proved as exciting as everything else.

Kate Winslet and the hand on the window had nothing on us.

I guess I started to suspect he was a full bum a few weeks later when he would call me 25 times in the space of 2 hours because I did not pick up my phone.

His reasoning was that we were in the throes of the relationship so I should enjoy it because as time goes on he might not continue.

Ummmmmmmmm

Then came the second insight as to his bumminess.

While I’d have been at work since 8am he’d call me at 12pm and tell me that he just woke up and was not yet sure what to do with his day.

Uhhhh

What about his job, I hear you ask.

Well I asked the same question

Strike 2

Should I wait for 3?

I'm a sucker, I did.

All through this, I continued to meet his friends, their wives and girlfriends, go out on the night on the town with him and generally start looking critically at his general behavior

This in case no one told you is a very bad idea because you are not to see the faults of your ‘loved ones’ until sometime after you’ve been with them.

I should be euphoric.

I was not euphoric

I was …. I don’t know

Skeptical.

I started to give him little quizzes to test out how bummy he was

I mean being a bum is in degrees

Isn’t it?

Then I started to question his grand plans that seemed not to have a foot in reality.

But should I break up with him because he is not the ideal man I have in my mind, he does have good points………..

That mouth, could sure heal a lot of bad feelings

Unfortunately, this was no longer my decision.

On a night of drunken excess with his friends, he got in a fight with a 2 star general in front of the Governors Guest House.

Yep

Boyo was so dumb he got hemmed up and his car taken from him.

Was my B.U.M. worried about his clients details and products in the car?

Was he heck!!

He was more worried about the jalopy that had seen better days, and as such took to bed to await the
call from the person who took it.

They called, twice and taunted him with the fact that they’ll give it to him if he gave them some money.

He was so determined to get the car back; he chose to keep to his bed and call, and call, and call and wait and wait.

He didn’t call his clients to tell them of the loss of their personal details and products, or to cancel his company cheque book etc that he kept in the car, instead he kept to HIS BED.

I tried to be supportive.

I held him

I advised him

I drove him around to look for the car

But after 2 weeks of still moping

I didn’t need anybody to tell me that he was a full B.U.M.

A Bloody Useless Man

And I broke up with him.

But I do miss that Car

And boy do I miss that mouth.

* I should mention that this is a story that was taken from the experience of two friends and myself, I won't tell you who owns which bit!!*